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JulSelf Worth? What Self Worth?
(Alternate Title: I’m Am SO SICK Of Your SHIT!)
I understand all too well that “no-one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” And it really is a sad thing when people need to make other people feel small to make themselves feel superior. But when you get bombarded from every effing direction it’s incredibly difficult to get your self-worth back after each condescending blow has chipped away at it. And you know what? I remember them all. Every comment is burned into my memory. I don’t forget them… I really wish I could. But this is my curse.
I’ve had this all my young life. Either with family or with people who get to know me and my sense of humour well enough and feel that me being silly means it’s an open invitation to make fun of me. I thought I had put it behind me when I began my new life with my new family… But I found that I cannot escape it no matter where I go…
They see it as harmless jabs. But I see it as mean and hurtful. Just because I’m laughing doesn’t mean I’m not hurt. It just means I don’t want to give you the satisfaction of seeing me cry. After you’ve had your fun and walk away the person that appears at the end of it all is a person, backed in a corner, who not only feels inferior… But who also feels unloved, angry, full of contempt, regretful and disappointed. And when that person gets to a point where they don’t care about (what they believe to be) their effed up life… Well then nobody wins…
It’s so sad to experience… But it’s even more excruciating to watch.
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